I did gymnastics until I was 15. Which I laugh about now, considering it’s only after two years of Dailey Method classes that I can finally touch my toes again and only on a good day can I hold positions that require balance. I wasn’t always like this, though. My best event in gymnastics was the balance beam. Maybe it was my height – I was too tall to flip around quickly on the floor or swing between the uneven bars. I wasn’t explosive enough for the vault. But my height and lack of lower body strength did not get in the way on the beam.
Though I’d be surprised if I could even walk across the beam without falling now, it’s another kind of balance that’s been on my mind lately. The kind where I can get through the day without feeling like I’m being pulled in 10 different directions, running to catch up and wondering if I ever will.
It’s been an odd year. Not a bad one, really, but one of transition. There were many things I loved about working for myself from home, but I didn’t feel balanced. I combined my work place and my home and didn’t do a great job separating the two. I felt relieved to be free of a job I didn’t enjoy, but also felt stressed trying to plot out my future. Trying to redefine who I was, in a way that provided balance for my family. I don’t deal well with uncertainty, and I felt anxious at times. When I did, I would do one of three things: go work out, write or take the kids to the pool. They helped to clear my head and allowed me to focus on one thing, rather than the 100 things I “should” be doing.
I had to trust myself and that I would find the right balance for my family, not certain at first that another office job would be the best route. But, it was. I’m feeling more in control being back in an office. I can separate work and play. I can give 100 percent to work in the office and 100 percent to my family at home. It’s bizarre that I feel more balanced working out of the home, but it’s who I am.
I’m sure I’ll struggle again in the future, as my career progresses and my kids have other commitments that require more of our time. But, for now, I’m taking a taking a deep breath and enjoying this time, fleeting as it may be. And looking for a balance beam to test my skills…